Doctor Who, in a preview for the new BBC TV series, was shown with Robin Hood and Maid Marion. There was humour mixed with the usual sci-fi hokum which, to be honest, doesn’t appeal to me. However, it gave us the idea for a song. Tales of outlaws in Sherwood Forest have long been turned into entertainment – going back hundreds of years. It’s easy to see why; Robin and his merry gang aren’t just a bunch of uncouth muggers, but misunderstood freedom fighters outwitting the ruthless tyranny of rich and powerful lords and masters. Such stories have always appealed to the masses who almost always feel cheated and mistreated by those in power. Hollywood (and the BBC, etc) continue to reinterpret such myths and no doubt will always do so. So why not me?
However, film and TV companies have their own agendas and never let the truth get in the way of a good story. History, in particular, is frequently mangled. Two recent fact-based dramas for example were good entertainment but I wonder how far they’d strayed from reality. The first, ‘Our Zoo’ about the family who bought a crumbling old mansion in the 1930s and turned the grounds into an animal park (Chester Zoo)despite having no experience or capital, was heart-warmingly good entertainment but probably some distance from actuality (but who cares – it was enjoyable family viewing). The other show starred Eddie Izard as Robert Watson Watt, an eccentric Met Office boffin who (or so it was implied) almost single-handedly saved this country from destruction in the Battle of Britain by developing a radar detection system enabling the RAF to counter-attack approaching Luftwaffe planes. Watt’s team consisted of equally eccentric and unlikely boffins who seemed happier playing silly ball games on the beach (in between flashes of blinding inspiration) or scribbling indecipherable nonsense onto a blackboard than actually making progress at their allotted task. It may be that Eddie and his potty chums were starved of funds and resources as was shown, but the real point, so it seemed to me, was to depict them as struggling outsiders for dramatic effect rather than to illuminate history. Of course, I may be wrong, but as time goes on there are fewer and fewer people who were actually around during those pre-war days to argue, so it seems likely liberties will increasingly be taken. Hollywood, of course, has never had any misgivings about re-writing history, especially when it comes to wars which, as we know, were all won single-handedly by the Americans.
ROBIN HOOD IN HOLLYWOOD
Down in Sherwood Forest a long long time ago,
A poor lonesome outlaw was practising his bow.
Aiming at a big oak tree, he missed it by a mile,
Distracted by a fair maiden with an unbelievable smile.
She said, ‘Oh pardon me Sir, but I could not help but tell,
You don’t half need a shower and a dollop of hair gel.
C: Robin Hood, oh Robin Hood,
Don’t believe all they tell you – way down in Hollywood.
He said, ‘It’s none of your business, my dear sweet Miss.’
Then he made a grab for to steal an outlaw kiss.
But she was not having any of that old crap,
Punched him on the nose and laid him out flat.
‘Wey-hey!’ cried Robin as he lay there on the earth,
‘I see forsooth, you’re a liberated serf.’
So he went to see an old crone, who gave him this advice,
‘For the modern kind of woman a man must smell quite nice.
Splash on this here deodorant to your sweaty underarms,
For just a couple of sovereigns it really works a charm.’
Never mind your bow and arrows, even if you can’t shoot straight,
I’ve a notion with this potion you’ll score without mistake.
Then this jolly band of outlaws cheered as all for one,
When Robin and Maid Marion walked into the setting sun.
And last the film director said, ‘Folks we have a wrap.
Another great commercial selling a load of tat.’
The actors removed their costumes and went to have a beer,
Glad that in reality no outlaws lived around here.
MB 06-09-14