Yes we went to many lovely places in China – parks, gardens, historic buildings, majestic urban and country landscapes – but walking around town at night I couldn’t help noticing most young women were into the latest fashions of high heels and short skirts just as anywhere in the West (or elsewhere it seems). I’m not complaining but, as an old fogey, can’t help wondering about practicalities, especially after a few drinks. Memorably, for instance, I recall late one New Year’s Eve a few years ago in Newcastle where Sofie and I had attended firework celebrations and when a real Northern snow storm erupted. Within minutes the streets were thick and deep with snow causing everyone to pull coats, hats and scarves up around themselves. Then a cab stopped across the road and a girl in stacked heels, skimpy skirt and miniscule halter top emerged as if out clubbing in Tenerife or Malaga and tottered uncertainly off into the Polar night. Did she ever make base camp we wondered?

Any night, especially at weekends, the Toon is crammed with similarly clad girls, winter or summer, as indeed are most town centres across this land. For some reason I didn’t expect the same in Chinese cities – though it must be said we didn’t notice any drunkenness from men or women, though that didn’t seem to stop anyone enjoying themselves.

I did attempt to write serious lyrical verse whilst in the Orient but, I’m afraid, this was the best I could come up with:

HIGH HEELS AND SHORT SKIRTS 

C       High heels and short skirts – not much else besides,

.        Wherever you may go today – seems like its world wide

.         High heels and short skirts – not much else besides,

.         International ladies wear – not much left to hide.

.         High, high, high, high, heels – not much else besides.

 

From New York, London and Paris – Rio to Beijing,

Hear them footsteps clatter – watch those bodies swing.

They say it’s only fashion – just another style,

But don’t tell me those girls don’t know,

What makes the boys all smile?

 

Oh the weather may be chilly but that won’t keep them away,

Tottering along the pavement, whatever granny may say.

Like moths they are attracted to any neon light,

And when the music’s playing, it’s always Saturday night.

 

They sure ain’t built for hiking more than a muddy yard,

And falling off those platforms, you come down mighty hard.

Winding up in casualty after a drink or two.

Doctor, please! Oh doctor! Don’t take away my shoe!

 

Some of them are skinny, some curvy but never fat,

Some ought to be arrested, for going out like that.

But if you ask security to go and throw them out,

They’ll say you must be joking – it’s what we’re all about.

 

The make-up and the hair-do may take half a day,

While blokes are into serious boozing the night away.

But if you were to ask them each and every one,

No matter where you go now – girls just wanna have fun.

MB © 2013