Having recently re-edited and updated ABE or, Amy Diver and Alien Big Cat, a children’s novel I wrote some years ago, I’m about to publish it on Amazon KDP. Also, I’m going to write to a few agents and publishers to try and get a more orthodox book deal. The problem with my two adult books, The Singer-Songwriter’s Last Stand and, recently, The Key to a Happy Life, is that they don’t fit neatly into the usual categories or genres. (As don’t my children’s song books.) I’m sure readers aren’t bothered – they just want a good entertaining read – but the gate-keepers are more conservative. So, I guess if I want my work in Waterstones, etc, I’ll have to comply.

ABE, by the way, is about a ten year old girl who becomes able to communicate (note – not talk) with animals following a riding accident where she received a head injury. She is later approached by an ABC, or alien big cat, who enlists her to uncover the activities of a criminal who has been importing endangered and rare species into the country. The book also includes short accounts of the lives of two leading animal characters – Abe, a black panther or leopard, and George, a lowland gorilla.

As a matter of fact, the gorilla’s story came first. It was one of a number of short tales written to accompany a CD of animal songs, but the gorilla’s one just grew. I then became interested in the whole issue of wildlife crime and conservation, etc. Sightings of large wild cats were in the news and I realised were connected to the same issue having often escaped from illegal or inconvenient captivity (so it is often speculated). The heroine, blonde and blue-eyed little Amy, was modelled on an ex-pupil, though her story is, obviously, fiction.

I was watching a documentary about plastic recycling – or the lack of it – and was inspired to write this song. Like many other environmental disasters, what started out as a dream product became a nightmare one until we now seem helpless to make things better.  As the song says, a drive for profits is often the main incentive but one we often conspire with, knowingly or not. But it’s not only just up to multinational companies and governments to act responsibly but also the public to put pressure on them to, for example, relinquish fossil fuels, non-recyclable materials and non-sustainable timber and other crops. The trouble is, we often do not ask awkward questions or demand eco-friendly products because we want low prices. We also, I suspect, don’t want the hassle.

POISONING THE PLANET

WE ARE POISONING THE PLANET FROM THE HIGHLANDS TO THE LOW
ALL THE WILD CREATURES – EVERYTHING MUST GO
AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT LOOK AROUND

WE ARE POISONING THE OCEANS, THE RIVERS AND THE SEAS
THROWING OUT THE GARBAGE NOW ITS BLOWING IN THE BREEZE
AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT LOOK AROUND

AIN’T YOU GOT EYES IN YOUR SOCKETS?
AIN’T YOU GOT SENSE ENOUGH TO SEE?
IT’S ALL FOR THE LOVE OF A PROFIT
IT SURE AIN’T FOR THE LOVE OF YOU AND ME.

HEY-YAH-HEY! (repeat)

WE ARE POISONING THE INSECTS, THE BUTTERFLIES AND THE BEES
TURNING UP THE HEATERS NOW THE ARCTIC WILL NOT FREEZE
AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT LOOK AROUND

WE ARE POISONING THE EARTH – WE ARE POISONING THE AIR
WE ARE POISONING OURSELVES LIKE WE DID NOT EVEN CARE
AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT LOOK AROUND

WE ARE POISONING THE PLANET FROM GROUND ZERO TO THE SKY
WE’VE HARDLY BEGUN BUT NOW E’RE FIXING TO DIE
AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT LOOK AROUND

AFTER ALL THE FORESTS HAVE BEEN FLATTENED
AFTER ALL THE RIVERS HAVE RUN DRY
AFTER ALL THE FISH HAVE BEEN BATTERED
AND THE LAST BIRD HAS BEEN SHOT OUT OF THE SKY
MAYBE THEN WE’LL REALISE

HEY-YAH-HEY! (repeat)

HEY-YAH-HEY! – A Native American ‘releasing’ chant.

51 facts on Pollution https://www.conserve-energy-future.com
Fact 1: Pollution is one of the biggest killers, affecting more than 100 million worldwide.
Fact 2: More than 1 billion people worldwide don’t have access to safe drinking water.
Fact 3: 5000 people die every day as a result of drinking unclean water.
Fact 4: The garbage dumped in the ocean every year is roughly around 14 billion pounds. Plastic is the major constituent.
Fact 5: Pollution kills more than 1 million seabirds and 100 million mammals every year.
Fact 6: People who live in high-density air pollution area, have 20% higher risk of dying from lung cancer, than people living in less polluted areas.
Fact 7: Approximately 46% of the lakes in America are extremely polluted and hence risky for swimming, fishing and aquatic life.
Fact 8: In the great “Smog Disaster“, that happened in London in the year 1952, approximately four thousand people died in a few days due to the high concentrations of pollution.
Fact 9: United States produces 30% of the world’s waste and uses 25 % of the worlds natural resources
Fact 10: The Mississippi River dumps 1.5 million metric tonnes of nitrogen pollution in the Gulf of Mexico every year.
Fact 11: Every year around one trillion gallons of untreated sewage and industrial waste is dumped in the U.S water.
Fact 12: Children contribute to only 10% of the world’s pollution but are prone to 40% of global disease.
Fact 13: More than 3 million kids under the age of 5 years die every year due to environmental factors like pollution.
Fact 14: Composting and recycling alone have prevented 85 million tons of waste to be dumped in 2010.
Fact 15: China is the world’s largest producer of carbon dioxide. United States is no. 2.
Fact 16: Almost 80% of urban waste in India is dumped in the river Ganges.
Fact 17: Noise pollution is the most neglected type of pollution.
Fact 18: The amount of money invested in nuclear test could be used to finance 8,000 hand pumps, giving villages across third world access to clean water.
Fact 19: Acidification of the ocean is the worst type of pollution. Oceans are becoming more acidic rue to greenhouse emissions from fossil fuel.
Fact 20: Livestock waste majorly contributes to soil pollution. During monsoon, water runs over the fields carrying dangerous bacteria from the livestock into the streams.
Fact 21: More than 100 pesticides in any medium- air, water or soil can cause birth defects, gene mutation and cancer.
Fact 22: There are more around 73 various kinds of pesticides in the groundwater, which is used as drinking water.
Fact 23: There are more than 500 million cars in the world and by 2030 the number will rise to 1 billion. This means pollution level will be more than double.
Fact 24: Major oil spills like those in the Gulf of Mexico, is the the worst type of pollution due to consistent oil spills in the water body which spreads everywhere else.
Fact 25: House owners use chemicals that are 10 times more toxic per acre, than the amount used by the farmers.
Fact 26: Around 1000 children die in India every year due to diseases caused from the polluted water.
Fact 27: In India, the Ganges water is gradually becoming septic, especially due to dumping of half burnt dead bodies and enshrouded babies.
Fact 28: 88% of the children in Guiyu, China suffer from various respiratory diseases as the area they live in is a huge e-waste site.
Fact 29: Antarctica is the cleanest place on Earth protected by anti-pollution laws.
Fact 30: Scientific research has proven that carbon dioxide emissions are lowering the pH of the ocean and are acidifying them even more.
Fact 31: A single car generates half a ton of CO2 and a NASA space shuttle releases 28 tons of C02.
Fact 32: Americans buy more than 29 million bottles of water every year. Only 13% of these bottles are recycled every year.
Fact 33: Tsunami in Japan during the year 2011, has created a debris of 70 miles, which consists of cars, plastic, dead bodies and radioactive waste.
Fact 34: Cadmium is a dangerous pollutant that kills foetus’ sex organ cells. It is wide spread in many things that we eat and drink.
Fact 35: It takes only 5 days for a jet stream in Chine to carry the air pollution to the United States.
Fact 36: Pollution in China can change the weather in United States.
Fact 37: World Health Organization (WHO) estimates 6400 people die every year in Mexico due to air pollution.
Fact 38: A single person in United States produces 2 kilograms of garbage every day.
Fact 39: The UAE is one of the biggest waste producer and water consumer.
Fact 40: Every 1 million ton of oil that is shipped, approximately 1 ton from gets wasted in the form of spills.
Fact 41: Most of the hazardous pollutants that are discharged in the atmosphere each year are released to surface water, ground water, and land, combined.
Fact 42: Approximately 3 billion people without proper shelter and healthcare cook and heat their homes using open fires and leaky stoves, thus contributing more towards pollution and global warming.
Fact 43: Chronic obstructive respiratory disease (COPD) that develop due to indoor air pollution is responsible for the death of more than 1 million people every year.
Fact 44: The people more susceptible to high ozone levels are children, elderly, people with lung disease, and people who are active outdoors.
Fact 45: A glass that is produced from recycled glass instead of raw materials can reduce related air pollution by 20%, and water pollution by 50%.
Fact 46: If you think that you don’t smoke and you will be spared by lung cancer, just remember that your lungs or heart may be similarly damaged simply from exposure to ozone and particulate matter.
Fact 47: Places which are near to high traffic roads, seaports or railyards are dangerous place to live or work as they contain more concentrated levels of air pollution.
Fact 48: In cities, where there is huge traffic and vehicles run bumper-to-bumper, the pollutants in the air can seep into your car making the air you breathe inside your car up to 10 times more polluted than typical city air.
Fact 49: In 1987, the U.S. released 1.2 million tons of toxic chemicals into our atmosphere, 670,000 tons into our soil, and 250,000 tons into our water. (International Wildlife magazine)
Fact 50: In the US, 41% of all insecticides are used on corn. Eighty per cent of these are used to treat a pest that could be controlled simply by rotating the corn for one year with any other crop.
Fact 51: Public transportation and car pooling can help you to reduce air pollution and save money up to a great extent.
If these statistics are enough to give a wake-up call, then even more needs to be done beyond that. Step ahead and stop pollution yourself, today.

The above cartoon, from  www.soapboxie.com. shows the great imbalance of wealth in the world, just one of the many ills we suffer from. They list four other main ones and go into some detail explaining them but I have expanded the list below:

Wealth and resource imbalances
Famine
Homelessness
Disease
War, revolution and terrorism
Major human migration
Natural disasters (often exacerbated by us)
Climate change
Obesity epidemic
Drugs and alcohol epidemic
Crime and corruption
Environmental pollution, damage and depletion
Natural resources running out

Of course, some of these could be considered multiple problems and there are others not mentioned. My song lyrics are flippant, sarcastic even, and don’t attempt to address any issues seriously. However, my long-term plan is to write another book which will deal with such problems – as well as some silly stuff as well.

WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY?

C: WHAT’S SO WRONG WITH THE WORLD TODAY?
WHY CAN’T WE GET IT RIGHT?
WE THINK WE HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS,
BUT WE STILL GET INTO A FIGHT –
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT.

OUR MOTHERS AND OUR FATHERS,
WE THINK THEY’RE OUT OF DATE.
BUT SOON WE ARE JUST LIKE THEM,
DON’T HAVE SO LONG TO WAIT.

WE THINK WE’VE CLIMBED THE HIGHEST,
TO THE TOP OF THE MONKEY TREE,
THEN GO DO SOMETHING SO STUPID
YOU WONDER ‘BOUT OUR SANITY.

WE PUT OUR FAITH IN NUMBERS,
IN THAT OLD CASH MACHINE,
UNTIL THE DIGITS CRUMBLE,
THEN EVERYONE BEGINS TO SCREAM

NOW I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU
ABOUT THE DAILY NEWS,
SO LET’S WATCH YOUTUBE KITTENS,
FORGET YOUR BIG WORLD BLUES.

MB © 2018

AT THE END OF THE DAY

One hundred years beyond the end game,
when our great cities are overgrown
with weeds, thorns, and other vegetation,
and things returned to how they were,
then wildlife will reclaim the landscape
and endangered species clamber back from the brink.
Our neat, regimented houses, offices and factories,
will disintegrate or become shelter
for bats, bears, badgers, rats, voles and foxes,
along with millions of birds, insects and reptiles.

One thousand years on,
little of what remains will be recognisable;
a concrete pile here or there,
and maybe some bleached plastic household items
washed up on a deserted beach.
Any inquisitive star traveller or alien archaeologist
may clear a patch of jungle and find the remains
of a railway station or shopping mall and wonder
what gods were worshipped here and by what strange creatures?

A little more digging and it may be realised
here was an extensive urban sprawl;
in fact, a world-wide megalopolis,
connected by a complex transport network.
But something must have gone wrong,
or why was it still not thriving?
Further investigation may detect residues
of noxious chemicals and gasses.
But, it seems, the Earth was not poisoned to death,
or blown to smithereens.

The only clue to its demise lay in the paws of skeletal remains
found in the tumble-down buildings.
Small black devices which, it appeared, were not tools or weapons,
but some form of mass communication.
Whatever data storage they once held had long since decayed and,
without written manuals or historical records,
it was hard to tell what had so mesmerised and ultimately,
transfixed these clever but doomed beings.
Then, an alien visitor, against all odds,
somehow manages to spark one gadget back into life.
For a brief second or two a screen flickers briefly with a blue symbol: F.

Oh, and a polystyrene cup, inscribed with a barely legible letter M.

https://soundcloud.com/mauricebaker-1

Tracey and Eddie (sorry about the lousy photo) performed at the book launch. Eddie also MC’d the event and read out a wonderful review – see below:

‘It’s a great and easy read with lots in it.  “A random collection” describes it well. To me this reflects Maurice’s quirky nature (meant in a nice way).

I have known Maurice for many years from the local music scene/busker’s circuit. Whenever I mention his name people smile. This is because when he performs he brings a smile to people’s faces. He is a very talented man playing a number of instruments, writing his own songs, and poems, and you never know what you are going to get with him. He does silly songs, often requiring audience participation to maybe make animal noises, bang out a beat, or sometimes just join in the chorus,

He does humorous songs which are always amusing, and he does serious songs written either from personal experience e.g. Bound for Australia re the child migration scheme, or written from researching something e.g. John Newton or St Sebastian.

As I said I have known Maurice for many years and I feel that I know him quite well. This is because of the content of his songs but also the often long rambling introductions he does which may or may not relate to the song about to be performed. We have all been there when he has done a long intro and finished with words like “but that’s got nothing to do with the song….”

Also he may well forget the words part way through a song and they are his own words to his own songs. But one of the lovely things about Maurice is he laughs a lot. He doesn’t take himself too seriously and laughs at himself. He is quite self-deprecating really.

So because of all this I felt that I knew Maurice quite well but when I read this book I got a much greater insight into the man – his character, his personality, his likes and dislikes, the things that he is passionate about, what jobs he has done (and there are loads of them) and how he reacts to people, situations and to life generally.
He writes about all sorts of mundane things and actually makes them interesting …. to a point anyway. A British cuppa, why you should have jam on all food, and what the hell is a ripe potato???

He wants people to buy his book (and/or cd together or separately) so I will not steal his thunder and divulge much from the book. What I will say is that as I kept reading it I kept seeing Maurice in different guises and this coincided with seeing him regularly at the Monkey on a Sunday night. . An example would be that, from the book. I know that he spent many years working as a builder. which is something I would never have put him down as. After reading this whenever I saw Maurice I imagined him with his keks halfway down his legs showing off a builder’s bum and him drinking tea with 4 sugars in it.

There are great stories from his childhood, his adolescence and then starting to make his way in the world. I won’t divulge any more but did find so much of this fascinating. I would recommend everyone to get this book and read it. It is light hearted, and mainly fun although he does tackle some serious issues as well.

The title of the book is “The key to a happy life”, well Maurice seems to have that key. He laughs a lot, he finds humour in everything, and this is reflected in the work he produces – his songs, poems and writing.
I hope you will be persuaded to buy Maurice’s book. He has put a lot of time, effort and research into it and probably money as well, and I hope that he gets enough sales to make it all worth it, but I suspect he would say that it was worth it because he achieved something that he wanted to do.’

https://soundcloud.com/mauricebaker-1

The book launch party was very successful – lots of good friends attended and sang brilliantly. The following book review was written by Ant Wilson who also attended but did not sing (though he has quite a repertoire of funny songs). The above photo was taken by Sofie from a distance and in poor light.

‘Just finished reading the latest book (and listening to the accompanying CD) by Maurice Baker, one of the finest songwriters not to get a number one in the hit parade. Maurice’s book titles The Key to a Happy Life (or, perhaps be the Key to a Hippy Life considering M’s adventures through those hazy years of dope, acid and free love). Maurice goes, maybe not full frontal but almost, with a candid reflection on life, loves, setbacks and successes. A quiet rebel with a passion for music fused in those heady days when folk exploded out of skiffle and you could wander down the local pub to watch the Rolling Stones playing the blues. Maurice, though not local by birth, is a Geordie in spirit. His energy, enthusiasm and his creativity make him a local hero to all aspiring songwriters and musicians and I can only encourage you to seek him out and buy a copy of his book and CD.’

Thanks Tony – much appreciated.

Threats, counter-threats and yet more threats of annihilation from political leaders – yet life goes on. Still, it’s a horrible fact that thousands die every year in wars, famines and natural disasters (often made worse by human environmental blunders). Though we complain about the weather, government, TV, traffic and many other things, we are mostly lucky to live in a relatively free, fair and peaceful place like the UK – at least we’re not being bombed out of our houses. And we can still, thankfully, protest (and sing silly songs).

ARMAGEDDON BLUES

WELCOME TO THE MADHOUSE HERE ON PLANET EARTH
HEADING FOR DESTRUCTION FOR ALL THAT WE ARE WORTH
DON’T WORRY IT REALLY AIN’T NO CRIME
GONNA GO DOWN FIGHTING TO THE END OF THE LINE

Chorus: AT ARMAGEDDON – ARMAGEDDON TIME

YOU CAN PLAY THE BANJO – THE FIDDLE OR THE FLUTE
OR JUST SHOOT YOUR MOUTH OFF AND SIT THERE LOOKING CUTE
DON’T WORRY – IF YOU JUST BOMB ALONG
TO SHOW APPRECIATION – AIN’T NO RIGHT OR WRONG

STRUM A UKULELE OR PICK AN OLD GUITAR
A WEAPON AT THE READY – ANYONE CAN BE A STAR
DON’T WORRY – IT’S YOUR KALASHNIKOV
A LITTLE HIGH EXPLOSIVE AND WE’LL ALL GO OFF

M8:
OOH OOH – BABY WE’RE A LONG TIME GONE
AND WHEN WE’RE SIX FEET UNDER
WE WON’T BE SINGING – WE WON’T BE SINGING
WE WON’T BE SINGING THIS SONG

SLAP BANK WALLOP RATTLE AND ROLL
EVERYTHING’S EXPLODING NEVER MIND THE DEATH TOLL
DON’T WORRY IF THIS IS THE END
WHEN WE GET DOWN TO HADES START ALL OVER AGAIN

YOU ASK WHAT IS THE REASON FOR LIVING ANYWAY
HERE AND GONE TOMORROW JUST TO MAKE A LITTLE HAY
DON’T WORRY IF WE’VE HARDLY BEGUN
SOON IT WILL BE OVER SO LET’S HAVE SOME FUN

The book/CD launch for ‘The Key To A Happy Life’ is booked for Fri. 20th April, 8.00pm, at the Blackfriars at Ouseburn, New Bridge St, NE12TQ. As many folk fans, players and audience, are invited to join in – free drink to anyone buying a CD or book.

Finally the book is on Amazon, print and ebook, after much trouble re-formatting the original pdf document to their template. In fact, it meant virtually re-editing twice – once for each format. Also, uploading to CDBaby was also a lengthy pain and not cheap either, unlike Amazon who instead take a hefty cut from each book sold. As with most creative businesses, it’s not the artists who make the money, unless they’re very lucky or have a best-seller. But, despite these downsides, I’ll probably use Amazon again since at least the process gives authors some control and a way to get your work out there – though you still have to publicize it, etc.

My book and CD, The Key To A Happy Life, are now both complete and should soon be available to buy on my website. Also, I hope, as an ebook and paperback on Amazon. The album should eventually be on Spotify too. I’m also planning a book launch in a month or so which will involve as many of my folkie friends as possible singing fun material in keeping with the theme.

It’s been a long slog – from last Easter when I began writing pieces, poems, articles, memoirs, etc, not planning at that time to put them into a book. Most of the initial material was written within a two week holiday to France – just anarchic scribbles really – but then re-written and extended, etc, on my return. I included song lyrics that seemed to fit, along with the stories behind them, which then encouraged me to make audio recordings. Rather than make just acoustic versions, I decided to use whatever enhanced the sound including electric keyboards and any instruments available. I wasn’t going to release these recordings but have since done so as a ‘demo disc’ because, I feel, they capture the mood, even if a little rough and ready. There is also another album (an EP) in the pipeline, Not Just A Silly Hat, which will just have four numbers on it – all about other singer-songwriters – Woody Guthrie, Lead Belly, John Newton and Richard Thompson.

One of my main problems now is marketing, since neither the book or album fall into a neat category. Maybe, some might say, it’s a self-indulgent exercise but it’s what I wanted and I’m very happy with the result. The only slight disappointment, as Sofie (my wife) pointed out to me this morning, is that it doesn’t offer any ‘key’. But ain’t that life? As it says in the book, it’s the search that matters.

Songs also free on: https://soundcloud.com/mauricebaker-1